Crush or Confusion? How to Know If Someone Likes You Back

The Universal Question (and Why You're Not Alone)

If you’ve ever Googled how to know if someone likes you, congrats…you’re human! You’re also probably either overthinking a late-night text or replaying a two-second glance like it’s game tape. Does that sound familiar? We all do it. I’ve been there. Once, I went on a happy hour date where the girl laughed at every joke and fun remark I made…and STILL ghosted me three days later. (Spoiler: laughing isn’t always flirting.) Sometimes it’s just… kindness.

 

We live in a time where likes, texts, emojis, and 3-second eye contact have replaced real conversations. And that makes it harder than ever to tell when someone is into you. But here's the deal: attraction might be subtle, but it's not hidden.

 

This isn’t a magic trick. It’s a skill. And like any skill, it gets easier when you stop playing games and start paying attention to the right things.

 

Why Guessing Fails (and What to Do Instead)

Let’s be real: most of us would rather overanalyze than risk asking the truth. But guessing is exhausting…and it's usually wrong.

 

The brain LOVES ambiguity because it protects you from rejection. Our brains love an “uncomfortable known” versus an “unknown” that we feel may be better for us in the long run. Seth Godin would call this your lizard brain trying to keep you “safe.” But safety and connection rarely exist in the same room. If you want clarity, you need to move.

 

Instead of obsessing over signs, start by asking a better question:

Are they showing up for you, or are you projecting the version of them you wish existed?

 

7 Real Signs They Like You Back

These aren’t universal laws…they’re patterns. The more of them you see, the more likely it is that there’s something real going on.

 

1) They Make Time For You Consistently

Effort is attractive. Consistency is revealing.

• They reply quickly (or mirror your cadence)…not just at 11pm on a Thursday.
• They initiate plans (even if small).
• They don’t always have time, but they make time.

This applies both online and IRL. Countless friends of mine have described to me people that they liked but that they were always "busy." When they stopped reaching out, their romantic interests never followed up. That told them everything they needed to know.

 

2) They Mirror Your Energy

Pay attention to how they respond:

• Do they text back with the same level of enthusiasm?
• Are they leaning in physically when you talk in person?
• Do they match your pace in how often you want to connect?

Mirroring isn’t a strategy. It’s what happens when two people are attuned to each other. It's subconscious and it’s powerful.

3) They Ask About You (and Actually Listen)

When someone likes you, they’re curious. They want to know:

• What excites you
• What frustrates you
• What your dog’s name is (and how old he is, obviously)

They remember the little things. They bring them up later. They connect dots.

If you’re the only one asking questions, you’re probably in an interview...not a flirt session.

4) They Create Opportunities to See You

People who like you find reasons to be around you. Period. Let me say that one more time just so it's clear:

People who like you find reasons to be around you.

Sometimes, it’s:

• "I’m grabbing coffee, want one?"
• Showing up to the same events you’re at
• Sending you that meme “just because”

These are micro-moments of effort that stack up fast.

 

5) They Flirt (and It’s More Than Just Compliments)

Real flirting involves presence...not just praise.

• They challenge you playfully
• They tease, but with warmth
• They hold eye contact just a beat longer than usual

This isn’t about being smooth. It’s about being intentional. If you’re ready to go deeper on this and learn to flirt to attract what matters to you, my book Beyond the Match: Fundamentals of Dating in the App Era is designed for exactly this moment in your journey.

 

6) They Talk About the Future (Even Casually)

If they say things like:

• “We should go there sometime”
• “You’d love this spot I know”
• “When it’s warmer, we should…”

…that’s a breadcrumb. Follow it. These aren’t plans....yet. They’re seeds. And seeds only get planted when someone wants a future (even if it's small or short) with you.

 

7) They Show Vulnerability or Nervousness

We think confidence = attraction. But sometimes, awkwardness is an even better sign.

People get nervous when they care. They might:

• Ramble
• Blush
• Check their appearance more than usual

These little cracks in the armor? They’re beautiful. They mean you matter. Also, don't forget that we're often times attracted to the rough edges of people and not their false "perfection" that doesn't even exist in the first place.

 

If You’re Still Unsure, Here’s the Hard Truth

Mixed signals usually mean one thing: they’re not that interested.

Let me repeat that in a different way so that it's crystal clear:

If it feels inconsistent, like you’re always guessing, like you’re doing 80% of the emotional labor...they’re probably not into it.

 

But don’t let that discourage you. The goal of dating isn’t to "get someone to like you". It’s to connect with people who already do. That’s the mindset shift.

 

What to Do When You Think They Like You

So you’ve noticed a few of the signs above. Now what? Lean in. Lightly.

• Ask them out
• Flirt back
• Escalate the vibe slightly

You’re not proposing. You’re exploring. And if you’re wrong? That’s okay. You were brave. And you gained clarity. That is awesome and something you can be proud of in and of itself! A post I came across recently said it best: “The moment I stopped trying to impress everyone and just looked for real interest… dating got way less exhausting.” That's the goal!

 

If you want help learning to text, improving your flirting, or asking them out, my free InTheMoment Dating Guides are a great place to start! They walk you through flirting, texting, and handling modern dating dynamics.

 

Final Word: Crush or Confusion?

Dating is messy. But it doesn’t have to be confusing. Instead of decoding every glance or DM, pay attention to consistency, curiosity, and effort. Attraction lives in these things...not in perfect lines or Instagram likes.

 

So next time you ask yourself "how do I know if they like me?", pause and ask a better question:

Are they showing up for me...or am I showing up alone?

 

That one answer can tell you everything. If any of this resonated with you, drop a comment below or send me a private message. Let's talk.